Marriage Matters: Question frequently asked by singles: Is there a particular someone for everyone?
We asked several counselors & opinion leaders this very important question and here is a compilation of what they have to say:
Johnny King
A long time ago, before I got married I overheard a lady lament about her spouse and this is what she said; “I thought we were a match made in heaven, but why am I going through hell?”
Surprisingly, many singles hold to the notion – either consciously or subconsciously – that there is one perfect, preordained partner. They were made for each other, the thinking goes, and they must simply locate this person or forever feel incomplete. This thinking is fueled by many Hollywood /Nollywood love stories in which a man and woman are united after a series of near misses and obstacles. At long last, they gaze deeply into each other’s eyes and embrace, usually amidst the sounds of romantic music playing in the background or probably fireworks exploding overhead. And they know without a doubt that they–the two of them and only the two of them–were meant to be together.
Frankly, I think this idea is more fantasy than reality, more fairytale than real-world wisdom. I don’t believe that you could only be completely and blissfully happy with one person to the exclusion of all others. Before you call me unromantic and cold-hearted (of which I’m not), let me hasten to say this should come as great news to singles looking for a partner. After all, I do hear singles complain about how hard it is to find a suitable partner. And if there is just one individual waiting for you out there in this wide world, the search for each other could take a very long time. If, however, there is not a “one and only” partner, a whole range of possibilities opens up. How did I come to conclude that the whole “soulmate” scenario is a fallacy?
Let’s think about this for a moment. I actually read somewhere that, if there was one special person for everyone alive and there are approximately 6 billion people on the planet at the moment, that means you would have to look at about 3 billion people to find that one special person. On average, you would have to go through about half the potential people to find that one special someone, so we’re down to having everyone spending time considering 1.5 billion people on average. Let’s say we’re being super fast and you met and consider a person once every 5 minutes. Let’s see … (crunching numbers on the calculator) … that would mean that it would take the average person 14,269 years to find a mate. That’s more than twice as long as this world has been around!
The fact is that nothing in the Bible states that God made just one person for you. There are literally thousands of people you could happily live with for the rest of your life. Some might take a bit more work than others, but still happiness is possible.
- (https://web.facebook.com/groups/105455069818510/ and https://pastorjohnnyking.blogspot.com)
Pastor Kehinde Ogunsanya
Not exactly as in X is made from creation for Y. But if you believe in God He will lead you and make a choice for you among his children. If the choice refuses? Go back to God. Marriage is not really that tough but we are rejecting God’s ways. That is the foundation of our problems.
Grace Festus
NO! This is because if you are convinced that a particular Mr. A or Miss B is for you and the person does not have plans to marry at all, will you too remain single because this person doesn’t want to marry?
This also answers why a widow or widower can re-marry after the death of a spouse.
- (@Grace_Festus (Twitter/Instagram) Award Winning Relationship Blogger)
Lanre Agboola
Hmmm, I do not think there is a particular someone for everyone.
In ancient days, people didn’t often choose their own spouse. Mom and Dad made arrangements for a good marriage. And often times those arranged marriages worked because people worked on them. When you get two people together who are dedicated to making a marriage work, no matter what comes their way, that marriage is very likely to be very happy.
The idea that there is one special person for me ruins a lot of marriages. A person falls head over heals with someone, gets married, and are happy for a while. But then something goes wrong, as it is almost bound to do, and there is a big fight. The next thing you know the person is wondering, “Did I make a mistake? Maybe I married the wrong person.” He starts to look around and there is another person whom he likes really well and he doesn’t fight with her! But that is because they aren’t living together yet and haven’t spent a lot of time together. So he divorces his first wife to marry another. Everything is blissful for a while, but eventually it happens again. And again. And again.
You have the privilege of picking the one with whom you wish to make a lifetime covenant. The field is wide with potential partners. So pick someone who shares things in common with you so that you can share life with her. But most importantly, find someone who is as dedicated as you are to making this relationship work, in good times and in bad times. If you are interested in someone, but she isn’t putting much effort into keeping the relationship going, then you don’t have someone worth marrying. If she isn’t that interested now, what will she be like after marriage?
- (@LanreAgboola1)
Bose Olaniyi
If you love to travel with a particular airline and you probably have booked your flight for a very important meeting in another city but all of a sudden, everyone’s money is refunded because the airline is not travelling to your destination for now. Will you cancel your meeting because of this airline’s internal decision?
Saying it is one particular person for someone means; suspending people’s lives even if someone else makes a wrong marital decision.
While I believe in compatibility, there are basic ingredients that helps marital choice without restricting you to one person. Such ingredients include personal values, belief system and others.
- (Family Life Consultant. Tweeter: @bosetiti
https://www.facebook.com/LETS-TALK-WITH-BOSE-513438782158144/)
Seun Oladele
No, there are people who will make terrific life partners for us. God does not limit us to one person. What if the only person had died before we meet them or chose to marry someone else, does that mean we are doomed to marry another person’s bone? No.
God’s will is someone who loves God with all his heart, is all round compatible with you, is complementary, gives you peace of mind and is heaven-bound. We shouldn’t limit God to ne person once and for all. God has millions of children and he will give us anyone that submits to his leading and is compatible with our past, present and future, God bless.
- (Blogger - http://askseunoladele.blogspot.com.ng)
Dabira Ipoola
“My life is a mess, it’s just so terrible. Deborah said to me. She’s been married for five years and she says it’s the most horrible years of her life. She kept on cursing herself for a while and concluded saying Samson has been mean to her. In her own words, she says God confirmed to her that she was supposed to marry him. Marry him? I asked, yes she replied with so much bitterness and this brings the question: Is there one specific person you’re meant to marry? My answer is “NO.”
I personally believe that the choice of whom to marry is a choice people make on their own which is a subject of their feelings and reasoning. However some people believe that God told them specifically whom they should marry. I have not read specific scripture in the bible backing that up but because people read and interpret according to their own understanding they strongly believe it was God’s choice for them. Yes there is a place for God; I can’t specifically say this is what God has said to someone in his or her closet. What I know from scriptural teaching is that marriage is our choice. It is not everyone who will marry, some might choose not to.
Singles should avoid running from pillar to post looking for the will of God to marry. They should rather check the character of the spouse finding answers to questions like “Does this person seems like someone who would not be selfish? As they seek wise counsel, make wise choices, consider the future and make decisions on the right priorities. A good marriage is deliberately built; the couple must adjust to one another. In my years of marriage, I don’t believe you can find a perfect spouse to fit everything on your check list, considering your upbringing, personality traits and love language after all you are not perfect. Every couple will have differences and will need to make adjustments for one another to have the perfect marriage you desire.
- (Family life Therapist. Whatsapp + Mobile: 08033323164
Twitter + Instagram: @dabiraipoola Facebook: Olajumoke O’Dabira Ipoola)
Funmi Sanumi
As much as possible, I’ll try to be very objective and my contribution will be from the perspective of a Christian. But the truth is, this is a very broad subject, one can’t exhaust it in a hurry; there are many sides to it and many questions will evolve as well.
Yes, there’s a particular someone for everybody, someone who according to Gen.2vs18-24 is one’s “bone of bone” and “flesh of flesh”, one who one is an integral part of-in a nutshell, one’s better half. Now, the question that easily comes to mind is:”How do I know this particular person?”One can only know by seeking the face of God. Apart from this, there’s the need to be very sensitive as well. That there’s a particular someone doesn’t mean it’s only one guy that will come one’s way, that’s not always the case, one may have to choose from a number of guys/girls.
Like I said earlier, knowing this particular someone requires being led by God having sought His face. Now, if He’s the one leading you, everything you need to know about that person will be revealed to you if you ask to know. I can’t stress the need to be sensitive enough.
- (Coach - https://www.facebook.com/Married-and-Singles-Forum-with-Funmi-Sanumi-1649688515302952/?fref=nf )
Kemi Odutayo
I strongly believe this is one of the myths that some singles believe. It is neither biblical nor practical. Can you imagine if you are in the South Pole and that ‘one’ person is in the North Pole? The two may never meet till they die!
There are likely squares that will fill your square holes. The particular man or woman you decide on depends on your ability to make a wise choice or as the case may be, a Godly choice. Back to the ‘manual’, God kept bringing to Adam several animals and there was none he found suitable as his helpmeet. But when Eve was brought, he consented…He made his choice and decided that Eve is the one! That is the basis for all proposal and acceptance…Choice.
Kemi Odutayo. @KemiOdutayo - Host: #ListenUpNG(a weekly mentoring event on twitter)
- Convener: #ThisThingCalledMarriageNG, #DearBaeNG #DearBooNG
Bridget Elesin
I believe there is no one particular person for everyone in marriage. God has given us free will to choose, including our salvation. So we have to make our choice. As Christians, we must be mindful of our purpose, so anyone we choose to marry must be someone that fears God and is ready to do marriage God’s way.
God will lead you to make the right choice as you trust Him for the best person amongst the many single people around you. Choose rightly , by looking at the one that you know is a friend and you have peace, tolerating and being in his or her company. Marriage takes a lot of work and sacrifice on the part of every couple. So ensure your choice is one that you can both make sacrifices for each other. Above all ensure you are the right person by working on yourself to be a blessing to that special someone you will eventually marry.
Note – The story of Ruth in the Bible, if there was one special person, as soon as her husband died, that would have been the end to her marrying Boaz. She made a choice to remarry and as she obeyed the wise counsel of her mother inlaw, she remarried, eventually became an ancestor of Jesus Christ.
- (Certified Results Coach and Master Practitioner of NLP - www.bridgetelesin.com)
Deji Irawo
The notion that there is only one person for everyone in the world isn’t true. In our life time, we will meet various persons we connect with who will make great spouse but most of the time there are differences we didn’t walk through, knowledge we didn’t acquire to guide us through the process or if painfully they were committed to someone else already.
Marriage is more about meeting people with shared values who complement our weaknesses and agree to walk through life with us. The world is full of countless wonderful persons who may decide to love you without conditions and share your values. Many times we find that we have to choose from multiple options. The key factor here is “agreement”, finding that one person who is willing to spend the rest of their life with you and agree to commit to a lifelong relationship. We discover that we can zero down to the tempraments, personalty types and values that attract us certain kinds of persons of the opposite sex.Each one you meet automatically is an option but we then must narrow down to the person we share the most connect with and who is willing to spend the rest of their life with you but the choice could have been any of the wonderful people you have met over time.
We asked several counselors & opinion leaders this very important question and here is a compilation of what they have to say:
Johnny King
A long time ago, before I got married I overheard a lady lament about her spouse and this is what she said; “I thought we were a match made in heaven, but why am I going through hell?”
Surprisingly, many singles hold to the notion – either consciously or subconsciously – that there is one perfect, preordained partner. They were made for each other, the thinking goes, and they must simply locate this person or forever feel incomplete. This thinking is fueled by many Hollywood /Nollywood love stories in which a man and woman are united after a series of near misses and obstacles. At long last, they gaze deeply into each other’s eyes and embrace, usually amidst the sounds of romantic music playing in the background or probably fireworks exploding overhead. And they know without a doubt that they–the two of them and only the two of them–were meant to be together.
Frankly, I think this idea is more fantasy than reality, more fairytale than real-world wisdom. I don’t believe that you could only be completely and blissfully happy with one person to the exclusion of all others. Before you call me unromantic and cold-hearted (of which I’m not), let me hasten to say this should come as great news to singles looking for a partner. After all, I do hear singles complain about how hard it is to find a suitable partner. And if there is just one individual waiting for you out there in this wide world, the search for each other could take a very long time. If, however, there is not a “one and only” partner, a whole range of possibilities opens up. How did I come to conclude that the whole “soulmate” scenario is a fallacy?
Let’s think about this for a moment. I actually read somewhere that, if there was one special person for everyone alive and there are approximately 6 billion people on the planet at the moment, that means you would have to look at about 3 billion people to find that one special person. On average, you would have to go through about half the potential people to find that one special someone, so we’re down to having everyone spending time considering 1.5 billion people on average. Let’s say we’re being super fast and you met and consider a person once every 5 minutes. Let’s see … (crunching numbers on the calculator) … that would mean that it would take the average person 14,269 years to find a mate. That’s more than twice as long as this world has been around!
The fact is that nothing in the Bible states that God made just one person for you. There are literally thousands of people you could happily live with for the rest of your life. Some might take a bit more work than others, but still happiness is possible.
- (https://web.facebook.com/groups/105455069818510/ and https://pastorjohnnyking.blogspot.com)
Pastor Kehinde Ogunsanya
Not exactly as in X is made from creation for Y. But if you believe in God He will lead you and make a choice for you among his children. If the choice refuses? Go back to God. Marriage is not really that tough but we are rejecting God’s ways. That is the foundation of our problems.
Grace Festus
NO! This is because if you are convinced that a particular Mr. A or Miss B is for you and the person does not have plans to marry at all, will you too remain single because this person doesn’t want to marry?
This also answers why a widow or widower can re-marry after the death of a spouse.
- (@Grace_Festus (Twitter/Instagram) Award Winning Relationship Blogger)
Lanre Agboola
Hmmm, I do not think there is a particular someone for everyone.
In ancient days, people didn’t often choose their own spouse. Mom and Dad made arrangements for a good marriage. And often times those arranged marriages worked because people worked on them. When you get two people together who are dedicated to making a marriage work, no matter what comes their way, that marriage is very likely to be very happy.
The idea that there is one special person for me ruins a lot of marriages. A person falls head over heals with someone, gets married, and are happy for a while. But then something goes wrong, as it is almost bound to do, and there is a big fight. The next thing you know the person is wondering, “Did I make a mistake? Maybe I married the wrong person.” He starts to look around and there is another person whom he likes really well and he doesn’t fight with her! But that is because they aren’t living together yet and haven’t spent a lot of time together. So he divorces his first wife to marry another. Everything is blissful for a while, but eventually it happens again. And again. And again.
You have the privilege of picking the one with whom you wish to make a lifetime covenant. The field is wide with potential partners. So pick someone who shares things in common with you so that you can share life with her. But most importantly, find someone who is as dedicated as you are to making this relationship work, in good times and in bad times. If you are interested in someone, but she isn’t putting much effort into keeping the relationship going, then you don’t have someone worth marrying. If she isn’t that interested now, what will she be like after marriage?
- (@LanreAgboola1)
Bose Olaniyi
If you love to travel with a particular airline and you probably have booked your flight for a very important meeting in another city but all of a sudden, everyone’s money is refunded because the airline is not travelling to your destination for now. Will you cancel your meeting because of this airline’s internal decision?
Saying it is one particular person for someone means; suspending people’s lives even if someone else makes a wrong marital decision.
While I believe in compatibility, there are basic ingredients that helps marital choice without restricting you to one person. Such ingredients include personal values, belief system and others.
- (Family Life Consultant. Tweeter: @bosetiti
https://www.facebook.com/LETS-TALK-WITH-BOSE-513438782158144/)
Seun Oladele
No, there are people who will make terrific life partners for us. God does not limit us to one person. What if the only person had died before we meet them or chose to marry someone else, does that mean we are doomed to marry another person’s bone? No.
God’s will is someone who loves God with all his heart, is all round compatible with you, is complementary, gives you peace of mind and is heaven-bound. We shouldn’t limit God to ne person once and for all. God has millions of children and he will give us anyone that submits to his leading and is compatible with our past, present and future, God bless.
- (Blogger - http://askseunoladele.blogspot.com.ng)
Dabira Ipoola
“My life is a mess, it’s just so terrible. Deborah said to me. She’s been married for five years and she says it’s the most horrible years of her life. She kept on cursing herself for a while and concluded saying Samson has been mean to her. In her own words, she says God confirmed to her that she was supposed to marry him. Marry him? I asked, yes she replied with so much bitterness and this brings the question: Is there one specific person you’re meant to marry? My answer is “NO.”
I personally believe that the choice of whom to marry is a choice people make on their own which is a subject of their feelings and reasoning. However some people believe that God told them specifically whom they should marry. I have not read specific scripture in the bible backing that up but because people read and interpret according to their own understanding they strongly believe it was God’s choice for them. Yes there is a place for God; I can’t specifically say this is what God has said to someone in his or her closet. What I know from scriptural teaching is that marriage is our choice. It is not everyone who will marry, some might choose not to.
Singles should avoid running from pillar to post looking for the will of God to marry. They should rather check the character of the spouse finding answers to questions like “Does this person seems like someone who would not be selfish? As they seek wise counsel, make wise choices, consider the future and make decisions on the right priorities. A good marriage is deliberately built; the couple must adjust to one another. In my years of marriage, I don’t believe you can find a perfect spouse to fit everything on your check list, considering your upbringing, personality traits and love language after all you are not perfect. Every couple will have differences and will need to make adjustments for one another to have the perfect marriage you desire.
- (Family life Therapist. Whatsapp + Mobile: 08033323164
Twitter + Instagram: @dabiraipoola Facebook: Olajumoke O’Dabira Ipoola)
Funmi Sanumi
As much as possible, I’ll try to be very objective and my contribution will be from the perspective of a Christian. But the truth is, this is a very broad subject, one can’t exhaust it in a hurry; there are many sides to it and many questions will evolve as well.
Yes, there’s a particular someone for everybody, someone who according to Gen.2vs18-24 is one’s “bone of bone” and “flesh of flesh”, one who one is an integral part of-in a nutshell, one’s better half. Now, the question that easily comes to mind is:”How do I know this particular person?”One can only know by seeking the face of God. Apart from this, there’s the need to be very sensitive as well. That there’s a particular someone doesn’t mean it’s only one guy that will come one’s way, that’s not always the case, one may have to choose from a number of guys/girls.
Like I said earlier, knowing this particular someone requires being led by God having sought His face. Now, if He’s the one leading you, everything you need to know about that person will be revealed to you if you ask to know. I can’t stress the need to be sensitive enough.
- (Coach - https://www.facebook.com/Married-and-Singles-Forum-with-Funmi-Sanumi-1649688515302952/?fref=nf )
Kemi Odutayo
I strongly believe this is one of the myths that some singles believe. It is neither biblical nor practical. Can you imagine if you are in the South Pole and that ‘one’ person is in the North Pole? The two may never meet till they die!
There are likely squares that will fill your square holes. The particular man or woman you decide on depends on your ability to make a wise choice or as the case may be, a Godly choice. Back to the ‘manual’, God kept bringing to Adam several animals and there was none he found suitable as his helpmeet. But when Eve was brought, he consented…He made his choice and decided that Eve is the one! That is the basis for all proposal and acceptance…Choice.
Kemi Odutayo. @KemiOdutayo - Host: #ListenUpNG(a weekly mentoring event on twitter)
- Convener: #ThisThingCalledMarriageNG, #DearBaeNG #DearBooNG
Bridget Elesin
I believe there is no one particular person for everyone in marriage. God has given us free will to choose, including our salvation. So we have to make our choice. As Christians, we must be mindful of our purpose, so anyone we choose to marry must be someone that fears God and is ready to do marriage God’s way.
God will lead you to make the right choice as you trust Him for the best person amongst the many single people around you. Choose rightly , by looking at the one that you know is a friend and you have peace, tolerating and being in his or her company. Marriage takes a lot of work and sacrifice on the part of every couple. So ensure your choice is one that you can both make sacrifices for each other. Above all ensure you are the right person by working on yourself to be a blessing to that special someone you will eventually marry.
Note – The story of Ruth in the Bible, if there was one special person, as soon as her husband died, that would have been the end to her marrying Boaz. She made a choice to remarry and as she obeyed the wise counsel of her mother inlaw, she remarried, eventually became an ancestor of Jesus Christ.
- (Certified Results Coach and Master Practitioner of NLP - www.bridgetelesin.com)
Deji Irawo
The notion that there is only one person for everyone in the world isn’t true. In our life time, we will meet various persons we connect with who will make great spouse but most of the time there are differences we didn’t walk through, knowledge we didn’t acquire to guide us through the process or if painfully they were committed to someone else already.
Marriage is more about meeting people with shared values who complement our weaknesses and agree to walk through life with us. The world is full of countless wonderful persons who may decide to love you without conditions and share your values. Many times we find that we have to choose from multiple options. The key factor here is “agreement”, finding that one person who is willing to spend the rest of their life with you and agree to commit to a lifelong relationship. We discover that we can zero down to the tempraments, personalty types and values that attract us certain kinds of persons of the opposite sex.Each one you meet automatically is an option but we then must narrow down to the person we share the most connect with and who is willing to spend the rest of their life with you but the choice could have been any of the wonderful people you have met over time.
