Relationship experts call this type of emotional abuse "gaslighting" which is when your partner (the gaslighter), tries to gain power over their victims ( the gaslightee) by making him/her think they are crazy and are talking off the main point
Your partner can really drive you nuts from time to time which is quite normal in a relationship, but it becomes a thing of concern when it gets frequent and your partner treats you like you are really crazy, it might be that you are being emotionally abused by your partner.
Relationship experts call this type of emotional abuse "gaslighting" which is when your partner (the gaslighter), tries to gain power over their victims (the gaslightee) by making him/her think they are crazy and are talking off the main point.
In most romantic relationships where gaslighting is experienced, the man is most often the abuser while the women are the victims but it doesn't mean it can't be the other way round.
Catherine Donaldson-Evans of SheKnows lists 9 red flags that indicate you are being emotionally abused by your partner:
- You're often left feeling confused and crazy: If your guy frequently tells you you're crazy and twists things around so that it seems like you're being irrational or unreasonable, that's a telltale red flag he's gaslighting you. And if you feel confused a lot and actually believe you're losing it, that's an ominous sign, too.
- You keep doubting yourself:Gaslighting victims start believing their abuser's perception of reality instead of their own. "The gaslightee begins to second-guess herself because she has allowed another person to define her reality and erode her judgment," Stern says. So if your guy is constantly raising his eyebrows at you and spins things in such a way that you seriously doubt your own version of events, take a long, hard look at what's going on.
- You wonder if you're too sensitive or emotional: A favorite tactic of the gaslighter is to accuse his significant other of acting overly emotional and sensitive. The victim ultimately winds up believing it's true since she's heard it so many times. If your guy keeps telling you those things and you start thinking he's right, it could be a case of gaslighting.
- You've become completely insecure: This is a classic sign in every relationship marred by gaslighting. Both partners are deeply insecure, but the victim's lack of confidence goes beyond her abuser's lack of confidence. She literally loses herself and her identity and adopts the one her significant other is trying to feed her. "If you are insecure and don't have a strong sense of self, you will give the power to the other person as a way of being attached," says couples therapist Dr. Jeanette Raymond, author of Now You Want Me, Now You Don't!. "But you're giving away your mind!" The insecure gaslighter "attempts to feel secure by controlling his partner's perception of herself."
- You find yourself saying you're sorry all the time: Do you walk on eggshells around your guy and wind up apologizing to him constantly because he makes you feel like you're always in the wrong? That could be another red flag that he's gaslighting you.
- Your arguments with him go in circles: If your fights make your head spin because of the outlandish things he says you did or his way of distorting reality — and you honestly believe him when he says it's all your fault — watch out. It could be a sign that you're a gaslighting victim in your relationship.
- You make excuses for him to friends and family: If you find yourself explaining away your man's crazy, erratic behavior on a regular basis to those closest to you and making all sorts of excuses for him, it might be a sign that there's a much deeper problem at play.
- You start lying to avoid the accusations and twisted talks: After a while, you get so tired of your version of events being mixed up and your reality being warped by your man that you begin lying to him to avoid the confrontations.
- You feel hopeless and depressed in the relationship: How did it happen? You were head over heels for this guy. And now, you're consumed by sadness and emptiness. Of course, if you're down but aren't seeing several other signs on the list, it might have nothing to do with your man or your relationship. But if you're depressed and notice other red flags, you're probably being gaslighted.
